#okay I told myself I'd fix my sleep schedule so I can't ramble in these tags but. but. beautiful boy. imagine dancing with him

[jimmyspades]

THE STICKUP (2002) | BOSTON LEGAL (2008)

[carli-in-the-morning]

Thought Dump/Anxious Ramble

[QUICK WARNING: this is gonna have my unfiltered anxious thoughts here about getting people in trouble, backing out of things, feeling lost & scared & not knowing what to do. If you don't wanna read or deal with my stupid 15 year old anxiety, I completely understand, scroll on by]

Howdy hey! I've had....a terrible awful horrible no good very bad day. And this is that. But first! Some context for our tale.

So I am a self appointed not great person. I'm not a good role model. I do things that are kinda not what your supposed to. Namely, I go out at 2 in the morning and hang with my friends. But Cho, you may ask, how is that not what you're supposed to do? It's actually, where I live, illegal to go outside past 10 pm if you are my age. You can face fines for it. But I do it anyway, been doing it for about a year now. I have only EVER been caught ONCE, but that was by my parents as I sat on our basement floor. They brushed it off and let it be, so really, I've never gotten into any trouble for this. I typically had only gone out with my one girl friend, we'll call her Beth. But last month, I convinced my one guy friend to come out with me, we'll call him Tony. Tony is very new to it all, but Beth and I aren't. He hasn't gotten the entire stealth down pack yet. Which brings us to why I've been having a bad day.

Last night, since I was cat sitting for my grandparents, I had part of the house all to myself. Which fucking ruled, I could get in and out no problemo, and we could even chill at my place. Which we did. He came over, we played Smash (I did horrible), fucked around on Sims, and had a pleasant time. Now, it's a weekday. His dad and grandma wake up earlier in weekdays because...jobs. I asked when Tony wanted to be home by, he said we could leave at like 5:00 (10 minute walk, he'd be home at 5:10)....or he proposed he could stay later and wait for his dad to leave, so we'd leave at like 7:00, get him home at 7:10 (we actually ended up leaving at 7:20ish...so...). I said, as long as he was sure he wouldn't get caught, I was fine with that. We had a blast and then I walked with him most of the way home. I go home, sit down and judt kinda chill. Low and behold, I get a text. (All messages paraphrased for privacy sake):

Tony: Door in was stuck. Good news, my grandma was still home and let me in without asking any questions. Bad news, she might tell my mom that I was outside for no reason at 7:30. But maybe she won't!

Me: Just say you went on a walk after you got woken up by a cat. Don't tell the full truth, but certainly don't lie.

Tony: Yeah, I went for a walk and the door got stuck.

Me: Exactly

Okay....not ideal. But he has an alibi thought out and there's a chance he won't need it. I'm not that concerned. I go about my day, then I get a message on Discord at 5 something in the afternoon:

Tony: So, my mom found out. She's firm on me never doing this again and it all ends now. So, if we wanna do this again, then we're gonna need to wait a long while. I don't think she'll know I can contact you here, so let's chat here.

Me: oof

Tony: In hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have done it so often.

Me: Yeah, but for now lay low. Do everything you can to be helpful and good. Be an angel child and if your parents catch on, say that you just felt guilty and upset for dissapointing them.

Tony: I'll try to fix my sleep schedule as a start, try and get that in check

Me: Yeah, do that. That's a good idea.

Tony: also my mom has my phone. She looked through our texts and said if she caught us again, she'd tell your mom.

Now that....is beyond terrifying. If my mom knew I did this......I'd be dead. She'd cook me and serve me for dinner. My ass would get kicked into the year 3928. Oh, and another bit of context. I had been planning a movie day in two days for Tony and another friend of ours, let's call him Chris. Apparently Tony had not asked his mom yet.

Me: So how much trouble are you in rn, getting in more trouble to watch movies with Chris and I is not a smart idea.

Tony: Uh-huh...because asking to go to watch movies with the girl I've been sneaking out with is entirely clever.

Tony: also, she saw in your contact info that "she said I had a big dick" (inside joke)

Me: oh excellent

Tony: I dont think I ever told my fam you're gay

Me: least of our fucking concerns, we'll deal with that later. Right now I wanna get you in the clear.

Tony: can't do anything rn dude

So. Now onto my anxiety.

I am so fucking scared right now, because the entire time we've been doing this, I've preached that I'd rather take my fingernails off with a bottle opener than get him in trouble, which is true. I would so much rather get myself in trouble than him, and yet not only did I fail myself, I failed him. I told him repeatedly that I wouldn't let him get in trouble, and now he is and it's my fault. I should've remembered that his grandma woke up early too, he told me that. I should've reminded him. I didn't. Or I should've pushed for him to leave earlier or I should've kept him later. Or I should've never convinced him to join my stupid antics. And because of me and my faults, he's now in hot water. It is entirely my fucking fault. And not only did I get him in trouble, I could've run the risk of getting myself in trouble. Which is a death sentence in my house.

And also! That movie day? Yeah, so, Chris does soccer. And currently he had a very busy soccer lifestyle. His phone is also broken. So he had to put in literal effort to respond to me in the planning process. He just gave the okay for doing it. And now Tony can't go, and I don't wanna cancel on Chris after he A) said he was looking forward to it. And B) put in effort to make the time to respond to me and make this work for him. I'd feel like a bitch for cancelling. But most of the movies we are gonna watch were because Tony hadn't seen them. So I don't wanna watch them without him, but I don't wanna have it be really awkward with just me and Chris for like....8 and a half hours (the original planned time, given our movie list runtimes). I'm not really an entertaining person! Especially not for that long. I wouldn't know what to do! And I don't know if we could shorten the time or if I could even be sure that he would see my messages! So I can't cancel it or keep it going.

Overall I don't know what to do and I'm panicked and stressed. I feel so useless.....

If anyone has advice...I could really use it. Because I.....I messed up....I messed up big time